Paintec

2009-11-24T07:51:00.002+01:00

I'll pretend it won't hurt...

Cast your mind back to the days,
When I pretend' I was OK.
I had so very much to say,
About my crazy livin'.
Now that I've stared into the void,
So many people, I've annoyed.
I have to find a middle way,
A better way of livin'.

So I haven't given up,
That all my choices, my good luck...
Appear to go and get me stuck,
In an open prison.
Now I am tryin' to break free,
In a state of empathy.
Find the true and enemy,
Eradicate this prison.

No-one can take it away from me,
And no-one can tear it apart.
'Cause a heart that hurts,
Is a heart that works.
A heart that hurts...

(Credit: Placebo)

2009-11-21T17:29:00.003+01:00

When somethings gone...

When somethings dark, let me shed a little light on it
When somethings cold, let me put a little fire on it
If somethings old, I wanna put a bit of shine on it
When somethings gone, I wanna fight to get it back again

When somethings broke, I wanna put a bit of fixin on it
When somethings bored, I wanna put a little exciting on it
If somethings low, I wanna put a little high on it
When somethings lost, I wanna fight to get it back again

When signals cross, I wanna put a little straight on it
If there's no love, I wanna try to love again

but then again...

(Credits: EW)

2009-11-20T09:18:00.002+01:00

Alone... As deserved

They look at me
As the worst thing there could be...
But I will stay right here
Until my day will come
But until then...
Ill get my Revenge~

(Credits: 'Insomnia 2007' - Written by Chris)

2009-11-11T12:43:00.003+01:00

Can't change me...

She can do anything at all
Have anything she pleases
The power to change what she thinks is wrong
So what could she want with me?

But wait, just, one minute here
I can see that she's trying to read me
Suddenly I know...

She's going to change the world
But she can't change me
No she can't change me

She has the daylight at her command
She gives the night its dreams
She can uncover your darkest fear
And make you forget you feel it

But wait just one minute more
I can see that she's trying to free me
Suddenly I know

She's going to change the world
But she can't change me
No she can't, change, me

Suddenly I can see everything that's wrong, with me yeah
But what can I do?
I'm the only thing I really have, at all

But wait just one minute here
I can see that she's trying to need me
Suddenly I know

She can't change me...

(Lyric credits: Chris Cornell. Picture credit: ~yuorme)

2009-10-14T21:53:00.004+02:00

Steady Pulse

The more you squeeze, the more it slips away

Never understood how she could,
Mean so little to so many
Why does she mean everything to me?
Questioning her good intention
Jealousy’s a bad invention
When you push on glass, it’s bound to break
This flower don't belong to me.

I usally don't like to go too personal on my blog, but this one kind of is. This was supposed to be my first blog on this page, but I didn't (and still don't) believe people will gain anything from it. After all, that is my only goal. A word of warning though: these lines of thought has worked for me, and I honestly believe it would work for others too, but I may be wrong, so don't follow me unless you feel that this would be the right thing to do. Like I have said earlyer, I tend to keep a steady pulse. No matter how dissapointed, no matter how sad and no matter how lonely I may be... I remain calm. Why do I do this? Isn't it right to let your emotions flow? Get it out of your head? Share it with the world?... To be brutally honest: No~

Take a look at what we have become.

Why do I try to keep a steady pulse? How am I able to? There are simple and there are "wiki-long" answers to this. A simple answer would be: Cause less trouble and your life will become less troublesome. And yes... it's really that simple. But are we... as human beings able to actually do this?

You can steal my body but you can't steal my soul.

As you may have read earlyer, I don't believe that humans change. Some people think this is very disencuaging. These people take it the wrong way. Because... think about it... is it REALLY something wrong whith who we are?... Or is it something wrong with the way we think? To me these 2 things are very different. And yes, they go hand in hand, but you are able to change one of them at any time, anywhere to anything you want.

Cry agony And I cut the cord

If someone tend to start crying for what we call "no reason". Is that the 'person' or the 'way they think' making them do that? Well, the "person" makes the "thinking"... if you let it. So in most cases it would be the person. Do we have any way of changing this? Yes we do~ Supress the person and let the "thinking" do some work. "Oh that is so hearltess.. are you saying we shouldnt be ourselfs anymore?" some maight say. I say Yes. The heart is the most treaturous of all the organs in our body. "Follow your heart".. It only works in fairy tales. Most of us humans tend to live in what we like to call it: Real Life. And Real Life has no mercy. IS this what you want to hear? No it isnt...

Well, I looked at her face and then I knew she changed,
then my heart turned black and then the sky turned gray!

So what do you do? You focus, think reasonable. You think action versus result. What is reasonable anyway? I hate that word! Whoever invented it decerves a royal slap in the face. Its a word that humans cannot live together with. We are incomatible. But hey... who said anything about "stop trying"? I sure didn't, and I sure haven't. Whenever you look upon a problem may you see 1000 ways of trying to solve it and no solution you are happy wih. Why is this? Is it because you havent thought of the right solution or is it because you don't like it? Im leaving the conclution to you...

Well I don't know much, and I don't know how...

So in the end you have make a choise... The lesser of two (or a 1000) evils?... This is where you need to start analyzing... was it "you" or the way you think that made that choise. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE! This makes all the difference. The day you are able to make choises based on a line of thoughts that are not based on emotions you could conquer the world. Noone can, BUT we sure as hell can try. And if we are able to, even just a little bit, things will start to change, they sure have for me.

And these open wounds will heal with time they say,
then my heart turned black and then the sky turned gray

So, you made the wrong choise. What now? Was it a wrong choise? Did you burn a bridge or did you build a new one? How should you react?... Stay calm, relax and focus. And yes, these are the top 3 of the most in-human things to do, but if you are able to master it just by a wee-bit... things WILL change.

Rejected...since day one I'm sick and I'm twisted I'm broken you can't fix it
Don't make me, cause I'll do it
Red button and we'll all go

So, someone tries to help you. They tell you what they would do, they tell you they "know how you feel". This is just words learned in a book written by ignorant (non-human if you ask me) idiots. NO ONE and I repeat NO ONE! knows how you feel, and noone never will! This is where "you" come into the picture. This is why we dont change, because we are different and we always will be. Is this bad? No! Should you be sad because noone knows how you feel? No! Can peple show empathy if you feel down? Yes! When I see someone feeling down, I feel empathy, I feel their confusion and their sorrow, but do I know how they really feel? No! Why should this feeling of not being able to share the exact same feeling with someone not bring us down? Because this is the one... THE ONE and ONLY proof that each and everyone of us are uniqe. And that alone should boost your ego beyond any line you should ever cross.

Lies will come back to haunt you... Hit and run a broken dream!

Still, people don't think like this. They will judge you for the things you have done and said. They will twist the stories and make them into lies that can never be compared to the true story. How should you act? Or how should you REact? Well... I don't. It's that simple. And yes, I know it's not that simple for most people, but should you really let a lie bring you down? If a complete stranger said that you hated your best friend, would you be offended or just look at that person stupid? Now, if a "freind" did this... would it be any different? To me it wouldnt... because if they would say stuff like that they would be no friend of mine. Would I be dissapointed? Yes... but if they would do something like that maybe they werent so much of a friend after all. So in theory... no loss, even tho to the human eye it looked like it.

Reality is truly scaring me
My pride, these men have taken it from me!

Ok... lets go a bit way too personal here... I, Me, Myself and the other me. I over analyze myself, I look into every action I do and I think about why I did it and how I could have done it different. My biggest fault is pride. I am WAY too proud. But in a slightly differet manner than usual. Im not proud in the way of not accepting that I am wrong. Im proud in the way of taking it way to heavy when I let someone down. Whatever you do... dont. It hurts.

These flowers have grown from blood stains on the ground.
Build a ladder if there's a wall, don't be afraid to slip and fall,
speak for yourself or they'll speak for you.

Burn the evidence… of my existence,
Clear the ashes on the ground

A prisoner of today

(Credits: text in italian style: Ben Kowalewicz, Pictures: Bethyanne4180)

2009-10-07T23:20:00.003+02:00

Forewords to: Steady Pulse

(I will soon be posting a rather long blog: "Steady Pulse")

We can all see it so clear now...
The knowledge of peoples true intentions... traitors.
This world is a vampire sent to drain you for what you thought you had.
What do we really have?

And what do we gain from this pain?
It's all betrayed desires, and a piece of the game we created for our own destruction.
We are our own weapons of self desruction

Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
But in the end we are all naked and nothing but animals seeking to feed our own ego.
Will we be able to fake it any longer? One more day? One more friendship? Another broken heart lifted up by lies, betreyal, ignorance and blindness?
Is it worh it?

Is it so strange we feel down when we don't even understand why we act the way we do? Why are we always in the way of others goals? Why do people fear me...?
What did I do...?

Despite all my rage Im still just a rat in a cage
And I still believe that I cannot be saved
But then again...

(Inspiration: Billy Corgan)

2009-09-30T00:16:00.007+02:00

Creepy fact of the day...

I don't know what the name is in English, but directly transelated to English from Norwegian it would be something like "Ring Muscle". All humans have 2 of those... one of them is in the lips.

Now... think where the other could be. And when (or... if) you realize where it is, try to think of something else when you kiss your lover next time.

Hint: Anal

2009-09-28T08:11:00.000+02:00

Yey~

2009-09-26T08:04:00.004+02:00

Come borrow my crown of thorns

We became just like everyone else...

We didnt get there
We're back at zero
But noone will cry
We have played out our role in this game...
Lets forget everything
It dosent matter anymore
We should have made it further
But didnt make it through...

We became just like everyone else...

Because the tickets to heaven was gone when we got there
This is negativity in it's definition
Eat fat and sugar till you puke
Now I fight and keep my body barley running
It was a longing that I thought was different...

We became just like everyone else...

(Original lyric credits: Kent)

2009-09-19T20:04:00.002+02:00

I have burned my tomorrows

I have burned my tomorrows
And I stand inside today
At the edge of the future
And my dreams all fade away

And burn my shadow away...

I faced my destroyer
I was ambushed by a lie
And you judged me once for falling
This wounded heart arise

And burn my shadow away...

(Credit: unkle)

2009-09-14T20:42:00.003+02:00

Hotel California ~ Satanic? Subliminal messages?

There has been a lot of theories and conspiracy going on about the Eagles song "Hotel California". Some say they contain satanic and subliminal messages, some say they are only about life and death or only about drugs. What are we to believe?

Well, when I wanna know something about a piece of art (and that is what music is right) I go to the artist and listen to what he has to say... and guess what? The Eagles has done just that, as a matter of fact they have released a whole book about the album.

If you don't wanna bother reading through the whole song line by line, here's the simple answer: This song/album is about Los Angeles and the greedy label companies in the 60's.... it's that simple.

Line by line explanation:

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
(The area around L.A is a windy desert...)

Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
(Colitas is a synoym for marijuana)

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
(L.A city)

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim I had to stop for the night
(Many bands traveled to L.A because it was a center for rock music at the time, the city of opportunities)

There she stood in the doorway; I heard the mission bell
(The entrance to the label company)

And I was thinking to myself, this could be heaven or this could be hell
(Everyone knew how bad the industry was...)

Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way There were voices down the corridor, I thought I heard them say...
(Like any other good sales men they make everything "bright" and look good... obviously)

Welcome to the hotel california Such a lovely place Such a lovely face Plenty of room at the hotel california Any time of year, you can find it here
(Same as over...)

Her mind is tiffany-twisted, she got the mercedes bends
(Tiffany-Twissted was used to describe a woman in love with power and money aka the label industry)

She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that she calls friends How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat. Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
(Showing them the other bands that had done good in the music industry, making it all look so much better than it actually was)

So I called up the captain, please bring me my wine
(They are starting to like what they see and become confident with the choice of signing a contract)

He said, we havent had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine
(1969 was the last year where the label companies really "owned" the musicians, things started to change after this, but this company had no intention to and still signed deals with bands that was close to illegal)

And still those voices are calling from far away, Wake you up in the middle of the night Just to hear them say...
(of course some of the bands had done very good, and this was used as a 'commercial' (if you will), to get new bands to sign the same kind of contracts)

(chours)

Mirrors on the ceiling, The pink champagne on ice
(Shiny locals, expencive suits, alcohol and luxuary...)

And she said we are all just prisoners here, of our own device
(This is the bands speaking, they are "prisoners of their own device".. aka their music, they were bound to contracts for years and years to come with no freedom in own creativity whatsoever)

And in the masters chambers, They gathered for the feast
(The label owners mansions)

The stab it with their steely knives, But they just cant kill the beast
(Bands trying to get out of their contracts or deals, but can't. This may also reffer to meth and coke abuse though...)

Last thing I remember, I was Running for the door I had to find the passage back To the place I was before
(this is where they relaize what is really going on and try to get out... but when the contract is signed...)

relax, said the night man, We are programmed to receive. You can checkout any time you like, But you can never leave!
(the night man, or their 'bouncers', the men who kept controll of the bands and looked after so they did what they had been told... "Checkout" is a reference of giving up on life and do drugs or commit suicide, but as long as they live... "you can never leave")

2009-09-13T15:19:00.003+02:00

It's not me~

It's the beer thats addicted to me!

I planned to not drink for a while... and I did, for 5 days. And when I had my first beer after that, I only had one. Now... I was thinking I might have been drinking too much lately, but when I go 5 days without no problem at all not drinking, and when I take my first beer again I only take 1 I dont think its a problem... guess I just freaked out for a moment there... haha...

Thoughts?

2009-09-10T00:47:00.003+02:00

Fat people...

This public anouncement goes out to all you fat people:
Get your fat asses off public transport!

When I took the buss this morning to work I found myself a seat. I sat down and filled up 1 seat... that is 1.. not 2 or 1.5. Than at the next buss stop this huge... and I mean gi-f***ing-normous forgein sweaty old man basicly rolls himself in the seat next to me. He took up almost 2 seats... and there was only 2 seats, so... I was squeezed into the glass for the whole trip.

Now fatty people... let me introduce you to something called: Personal Space~ When you guys come and basicly sit on ME and not your seat ............. ¤%#&+!

You guys belong in the handicapped seats or even better on the pavement. Walk it off. U'll feel better and so will others when they wont get sick to the stomach from just looking at you.

You are all a disgrace to the human race!!!

2009-09-08T00:42:00.005+02:00

I remember when she used to sing...

Darling, so there you are
with that look on your face
as if you're never hurt
as if you're never down

Shall I be the one for you
who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
close as I wanted to be
close enough for me
and stay there as I whisper

How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
that I had mine on you?

(Credit: NU)

Have I forgotten what it was like to not be heartless?

Was she the only one loving enough to see through it?

2009-09-06T16:44:00.003+02:00

The guy with a smile on his face...

I have always been on a side track of life.
To look at people, analyze and see the reults, while standing around doing nothing with my own path.
Even so, one is bound to experience a lot of situations we never wanted to.
Some people say all experinces are for the better. We learn from them. I don't believe in that. To some extent maybe, but for the most part it ruins us more than it prepares us.
I have seen one to many lifes been ruined from the lack of self controll, lack of common sense and hasty decitions based on emotions.

Emotions, I hate them~ They change the way I think and rarely bring anything good. It builds up happiness, than (because this world was never ment for good) it breakes it down and leaves you sulking in the gutter. All of this because I thought an emotion would lead me in the right direction.

My friends ask my why I always keep a "steady smile". And no, I don't smile all the time, but I'm rarly angry or agresive. First of all: I don't let my problems become others problems. This brings nothing but more sadness. You spread it like fire in dry grass. So should one just keep all the pain inside? No~ I got a large number of "black books". I write down everything I think, everything I shouldnt have said and things I shouldnt even think. I dont show these to anyone. This way I get the thoughs out of my head without giving the burdain to someone else.

People tend to trust me... and to be brutaly honest I hate this. It's not that *I* care that people come to me about their problems, (because nothing can bring me further down than I am anyway) I'd love to help. Problem is... I don't think like others do. I think very narrow mindedly. I think rational, without emotions. Think think too much about the variables. The things at stake. So I never have the answers people want to hear, and almost every time I look like the heartless demon with no love to give. And I think they are right... I am.

A couple of weeks ago a girl called me in the middle of the night. It was an old friend I havent seen in years. She was crying and begging for an opinion. I said I didn't want to give any, because I didn't feel I had the right to tell her what to do in that situation. But in the end I told her my opinion and she started cryng even more and hung up the phone. I got an sms the next morning saying "Thank you Chris, I know what to do now". Than later I heard from one of her friends she didn't do that, but the complete opposite. Now she is in the hospital with great blood-loss from the deep razor cuts in her arms. She followed her emotions...

But than again, love conquers all, you will get nothing in life if you don't try. Id like to believe all of this is true. It probably is.

The thing is, I'm tired of being the guy healing their 'wounds' saying "I told you so...". People who follow their emotions, I support them, I want to see them succseed. Like Jack Johnson says: "If I'm betting against you I think I'd rather lose."

So to all of you: Good luck on your journey to happiness and remember: Never listen to the heartless guy in the corner. He has nothing valuable to give you. He will however, always have a smile on his face~

2009-09-04T22:37:00.006+02:00

The not so simple answer...

Based on your smile
im betting all of this might be over soon
but youre bound to win
because if im betting against you, i think id rather lose

Things can go bad
And make you want to run away
But as we grow older
The trouble just seems to stay

Fade away

Is it cold
Is it straight from the mould
And ready to be sold.
And what about your mind
Does it shine or
Are there things that concern you more
Than your time

And what about those shoes you’re in today
They’ll do no good
On the bridges you burnt along the way
Gone with your herd
Leave your footprints
And we’ll shame them with our words

There were so many fewer questions
when stars were still just the holes to heaven

With excuses like baby that was a long time ago
But that's just a euphemism if you want the truth he was out of control
But a short times just a long time then your mind just won't let it go
And all this livings so much harder than it seems

But we could end up broken hearted
if we don't remember why all this started
and if they try to tell you love fades with time
tell them there's no such thing as time
it's our time

Guess we lost another one
just like the other one
optimistic hypocrite
that didn't have the nerve to quit
the things that kept him wanting more
until he finally reached the core
and fell across the fall line
ain't there nothing sacred any more

Ive been connecting all the dots
i've got a light bulb full of anger
and i can switch it on and off
in situations it can be so bright
i cant believe, how pathetic we can be

All at once,
the world can't overwhelm you
theres almost nothin' that I could tell you
that could ease your mind

Which way will you run
when its always all around you
and the feelin' lost and found you again
a feelin' that we have no control

You store it up, unleash it, then you piece it together
Whether the storm drain running rampant just stamp it
And send it to somebody who's pretending to care
You went beyond where we should have gone

Your shadow walks faster than you
You don’t really know what to do
Do you think that you’re not alone?
You really think that you are immune to
Its gonna get that the best of you
Its gonna lift you up and let you down

The problem is that there’s no truth to it
It fading way too soon
Your shadow is on the move
And maybe you should be moving too

Because we fell across the fall line
ain't there nothing sacred any more

But what about your soul?~

And it was magic at first when they spoke without sound
But now this world is gonna hurt you better turn that thing down

Gone going
Gone everything
Gone give a damn
Gone be the birds when they don’t want to sing
Gone people
All awkward with their things
Gone

It will defeat you
Then teach you to get back up
After it takes away
All that you learn to love

(Credit: JJ)

2009-09-01T22:28:00.003+02:00

Is it a sin?...

Is it a sin to doubt?

Because sympathy is a burdain I don't need
In the end I can not accept the darkness, yet... I do not belong in the light

To others the bounds of friendship is light as feathers, but I know the weight of those chains...

(inspiration: FF)

2009-08-31T00:26:00.006+02:00

I guess that's what happens...

I've been pushing it down, pretending it dosn't excist.
But I guess this is what happens when your pissed about being pissed.

When advice gets repetative thats because it is.
After all you should thank them for taking on the challenge of you.
I had a friend who was way too young to die, but I guess death is one of those things we do to lie.

You can't run away, but you can't escape all these wicked games.
I can't trust myself becoming honest, but
Lies aint gonna save me from the bomb I just dropped...

(Credit: CF)

2009-08-28T09:33:00.001+02:00

Fell on Black Days

Whatsoever Ive feared has come to life
Whatsoever Ive fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded
And now Im doing time
Cause I fell on black days

Whomsoever Ive cured Ive sickened now
Whomsoever Ive cradled Ive put you down
Im a search light soul they say
But I cant see it in the night
Im only faking when I get it right
Cause I fell on black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate

So what you wanted to see good has made you blind
And what you wanted to be yours has made it mine
So dont you lock up something that you wanted to see fly
Hands are for shaking
No, not tying
No, not tying

I sure dont mind a change
But I fell on black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate

(Music/Lyrics Credit: Chris Cornell)

2009-08-27T01:20:00.003+02:00

Darkness...

(C# - G - A - Em - Am - Gm)

Even in the darkest sides of woods
The light will find it's way
To walk home at night in the middle of the highway
It gives my life a whole new dimention

Why would you care about anyone else than yourself?
And why do you think?.. I don't wanna think

And I was wrong, so wrong one can be
But you werent right and your never gonna be
In the deepest of the deepest of us all
We're all small, oh way... too small

(Original text credit: Lollo - Rewriting and music credit: Chris)

2009-08-26T00:22:00.002+02:00

Memories of Life ~

There are many things in life worth saving. Than there is those things you would be better without. I tend to save all those memories... all those things. They all create emotions that one acts upon. Seing them again brings back the memories, good... or bad.

Things change, people don't. Things make people act differently.
And on that note I would like to add: The future is mine (yours) and ours to decide. People who believe its set in stone is nothing but blinded fools.

I have no respect what so ever for people who thinks we can know the future, the future is ours and ours to make and nothing or noone will ever change that. Even though everything is relative, we always have the power of choise no matter the situation.

"I know I was born and I know I will die, the in between is mine". (Eddie Wedder)

(For high rez [3888x2592] verison of the picture, click here)

2009-08-25T00:32:00.003+02:00

(Click picture for huge verison)

It's finally here~

The new Blu-Ray verison of Final Fantasy VII - Advent Children finally arrived from the UK. It contains almost 30 minutes of additional screnes and has over 1000 edits to the original movie. This is not an "upascaled" verison like many other Blu-Ray movies on the market today, it's a full blood full HD 1080p movie.

It also had a "completion" of Final Fantasy VII - The storyline that gives people that has not played the game a good idea on what is going on. It also had a "completion" of the Final Fantasy VII saga wich includes: Crisis Core, Before Crisis, Dirge of Cerberus and Advent Children. This gives a complete overlook on what the entire story is about. It also had a sneak peek of Final Fantasy XIII, a 7:30 min trailer with unseen material. Epic stuff~

This will make a fine addition to my collection, as I now have 3 verisons of the movie. The Original DVD, The Blu-Ray Verison and last but not at least my Black Boxed Edition that contains the entire script of the movie, the movie as a Novel and Collectors Art and of course the Original DVD (US Zone 1) verison.

May the saga live to the end of days.

R.I.P Hironobu Sakaguchi + Squaresoft

2009-08-24T01:15:00.003+02:00

And this was the day... I became a Deviant~
http://paintec.deviantart.com/

"This tainted love..."

2009-08-23T01:54:00.003+02:00

I need to stop this feeling.
The thoughts rushing my head as a constand flow of desire.
The hope for change in circumstances so I could just touch hope for one second.
The elements around me reminding every day of the forbidden fruit.
To see you dancing around in the Devil's playground... looking at me with those eyes of confusion.
I don't want it grow, but not even God seem to hear a prayer from Hell.

I guess I'll be better of keeping this one man subarine closed...

Unless...

2009-08-22T02:15:00.000+02:00

Do you see? In memory... of the one...

(Em, Am, H7)

I'm flying through the crimson sky
Through the black and the hot, through the heat...
I'm crying the tears, the tears of blood
You see I'm born in flames, it was the flames of hell...

I rip up my chest...
I rip out my heart and lungs...
And I lay... I lay them before you...

Do you see? Do you see I scream...
Do you see what you have done?
Do you see? Do you see my heart?

Do you see my lungs...
Crumbling in the breath the breath that was you...
Now I'm never, I'm never gonna breathe again.

And do you see my eyes?
I rip em out, I rip em out myself...
Cuz I don't wanna see, I don't wanna see you hurt me!

Do you see?
Do you see?
Do you see?
Why don't you see?

(Original text credit: Lollo)
(Rewritten to English and Music credit: Chris)

2009-08-19T23:53:00.006+02:00

Click here for soundfile

How come one can care so much about someone, but at the same be able to hide the emotions like this? How come I care at all? How come I think about people I barly know, their lifes.. their problems... more than my own? Why am I the one people call when they have a hard time, this being people I won't even think of as friends? Why do people trust me?

I have (used to have) a friend that I shared everything with. We were what we liked to call "thinkers". It was a free way fo thinking in the lines drawn by common sense (but than again, who "decides" what is common sense?). We used to sit up late at night reading notes, song lyrics, diaries and quotes. It was what old people call "the good old days"... even though it was only a couple of years ago. I still rememer his eyes looking at the floor; holding his glass or cup; rubbing his thumbs together while noding to some of the things I had written. We were "writers" we wrote down everything we had in our mind at all times. Collecting the threads into the the big picture. Our friendship was a good one... One day I let him down. Even though I havent been through a lot in life, it felt like one of the heaviest burdains I have ever carried. Behind his sweet smile of forgivness I could feel the heavy waves of dissapointment. This time I accepted him forgiving me... Than, after a year or so, it happend again. And... when you feel that someone trust you as much as he did, it feels even worse especially when it's the same mistake as last time. How can he trust me now? The burdain was too big for me to carry, and I pushed myself away, hoping never to have to feel that way ever again...

Now... 3 years later, I still don't dare to call him. He calls me from time to time, but I don't feel worthy of his time. This is a wrong way thinking, and I know that. What I know what I do is 2 very different things though. I don't tend to change eather... cuz people don't change.

R.I.P ~ The best friend I ever had

2009-08-18T09:18:00.003+02:00

I met a girl who hated the world, she used her body to sell her soul
Every time they'd break her and pay, tear out her heart and leave her in pain
I never found out how she survived all of the sadness she kept inside
I never found out how she could lie with a smile on her face
and the scratches she'd hide

Down on her knees she bled on the floor, this hopeless life she wanted no more
Dead in her mind and cold to the bone, she opened her eyes and saw she was alone
She never found out how much I tried, all of the sadness she kept made me blind
She never found out how much I cried, the rope so tight on the night that she died...

(Credit: "S")
----

Santa didn't give me any presents this Xmas...
Did he give any to you? Or were you just as bad as me?

Because I wanted to be a SG.
Last year I sat with 10.000 needles in my skin every day...

The weeks was filled with fake love and hidden hatred.
Now the hate is bleeding from my torn wrists.

Who would ever want this?

(Credit: "L")

Me in a Nutshell...

2009-08-14T23:25:00.000+02:00

I chase misprinted lies, while facing the path of time.
And I yet I fight this battle all alone.
No one to cry to, no place to call home.

My gift of self is raped
My privacy is raked... and yet I find
... yet I find repeating in my head
If I can't be my own, Id feel better dead.

(credit: AiC)

Espresso dreams... Part 1

2009-08-13T23:48:00.000+02:00

I looked at you and said: "I love you~"
You said: "I love you too" ... while looking the other way.

(Credit: Lollo)

Do we really change?

2009-08-12T23:41:00.001+02:00

So, Ive had this discussion with many of my friends, and they all disagree with me. I have not to this day been able to find 1 single person that thinks the same way as I do on this matter. Do people *really* change? My way to think is:

"People don't change, theire situation does. They adapt to the situation and act according to it. Therfore people don't change, their actions does..."

So, another questions comes in to the picture: "Does peoples actions make them who they really are?" And everyone goes: "Uhhh..." Because that's what we all think isn't it? It's the way we humans brand people. And I think our vocabulary has to blame for a lot of this. Let me show you an example:

- A father shoots his first born son. - How do we think than? We brand him a killer (and a horrible one too). Is he a killer? But of course he is! Now hold that thought.
Was he a killer *before* he did it? We all agree he was not right? Now lets say he never kills again, has his action changed who he really is? I say no! Most other people say yes...

A simple way of seing this on is: Action leads to Result. No matter the action, there will always be a result. So what people that don't agree with me is saying is that the "action -> result" changes who we are. This is BS! SERIOUSLY!!!!!

I think we should all treat people for what they ow to be. For what they want to be. For what they want to become, or if they suffer... for what they wanted to become. I don't know about you, but isn't this what REALLY makes a person what they REALLY are? What they do to satisfy others, what they do to get further in life, how well they do at work, how they look, how they talk, how they dress... what is this really? Isn't this just adaption to your surroundings? Isn't this just a puppeteers play with your own body?

This is why I hate people in the need of an "image". People that try to become something with the intention of adapting. To "fit"... A good lot of people have grasped the starting part of this way of thinking and decided to be "different" (like goths and emo's) But they missed the most important thing: Your still not you~ Being unique isn't always a good thing and you better remember that.

Be unique and be you... because no one else can ~

Dogs...

2009-08-11T17:16:00.001+02:00

Recently I have been exposed to a lot of dogs. And Ill admit it right now, I don't like them. So today a colleague had her dog with her and I told her Id take some pictures of it. Now, if you look at this picture you see my problem, how(!) can ANYONE -not like- this little bastard?

All he did all day long was run around and look at stuff and beg for food, but than again, who can blame him. Like all dog owners say: their dog don't bite, and it didn't so that's all good. He didn't bark or make any other of the fearsome noises they make... all he did was to sit there and look (what they call) cute.

Usually when I think of dogs I think: long walks, smell, drooling, hair, barking, begging and lets not forget the pooping. And at least to me; these are things I'd rather be without. However, lets not forget Ive never had a dog, and if I ever do I might change my mind; but than again; I don't tend to do that on a regular basis.

So what can we learn from this? No idea... I'm still "lost" in this matter... ideas?

First of many...

2009-08-10T20:56:00.000+02:00

Many of my friends have told me to start blogging. Why? ... I don't know.
Apparently it's a way of sharing my thoughts with the world. The world?... I don't know...
What would I want to share? My personal life? My thoughts? My opinions? I don't know...

Ive decided to write it in English because there will probably be as many English readers as Norwegian. And on that note I'll add that there WILL be a lot of spelling mistakes, but you know what... I don't care... and neither should you.

I will more than likely be posting pictures I take and my thoughts behind them, lyrics from the music I like and my thoughts on them, people and the way they are and so on.

PS: The name Paintec will remain my own little secret for a while... until I have completed my "master plan" :)